somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
