i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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