I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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