your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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