Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
