Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
