I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
