he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
