Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
