I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
