Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
