He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
