Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
