It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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