I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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