Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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