Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
