He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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