If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
