Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
