does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
