he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
