I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
