after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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