Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
