i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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