This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my being single is dangerous.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
