My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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