will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
