I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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