If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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