Welp...herpes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
