i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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