The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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