Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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