Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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