just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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