It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
