then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
