Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
