I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
this will be a night to untag.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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