He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
