Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
