hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
