My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
