i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
