omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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