Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
