last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
