My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
