Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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