from now on my penis is your penis
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
