my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We have started to decorate penises.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
