As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
