I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
