So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
