how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
